Agamemnon Was A Pussy

All Agamemnon did was sacrifice his daughter to win a war.

Then, after his cheating wife’s tawdry taunts, he walked on some purple carpet.

Big deal.

Let me ask you this:

Did he ever watch two seasons of The Dog Whisperer and then go out and buy a purebred puppy thinking all he needed was a collar and a few forceful pulls on a leash to get it to obey.

Well I did. And my hubris was a grander scale than that wimp.

(Note: I in no way, shape, or form, liken my experience with this dog to that of rearing a child. God forbid I fail at this I can always drive my dog to the pound. Parents don’t have that luxury, although school shootings would end tomorrow if we instituted a put down policy on all kids up to the age of 18. Think about it: “Sorry junior, it’s just not working out. You’re Mom and I think we’d do better with a different breed. So we’re going have to put you down).

Meet Mow Mow.

Yes, Mow Mow. She’s beautiful, rambunctious, and very playful. But I can’t help but wonder if our breeder didn’t feel a little like God when she spliced in some old Atari PacMan into the genetic stew of our pup.

She chomps e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

So we read dog books on positive training, no violence here, to raise young Mow Mow right. They tell you how to teach Sit. It goes something like this:
Wait for your dog to sit. Click and treat. (We’ve chosen to clicker train our dog).
Every time it sits on its own, Click and Treat.
Then start to walk backwards after she sits,

she should follow and sit, expecting a treat.

Click and Treat.
When she does this 80% of the time, add the command “Sit.”
Not bad right? Conditioning at its best.
It works. It elicits feelings of power I’ve never felt before. To shape the behavior of this beautiful being…priceless. I’ll get ten dogs if it’s this rewarding.

Hubris.

She bites everything, as stated earlier.

The book says that whenever she comes in contact with human skin to yelp out “OW!” just like Mom or her brothers and sisters would do in the pack.

This works, kind of.

Anyone walking by our house must think we have Turret's.
When she chews on something she’s not supposed to the book says to offer her an alternative. This works, kind of.

When I say she chews everything, I mean everything, metal, wood, flooring, sticks, rocks, trees, grass, cars, the couches, the coffee table, you name it, she chews it. Offer her an alternative, she chews that until you turn your back.

So we’ve called in reinforcements.

A trainer will be here Saturday morning.

I’ll keep you posted.